two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
