My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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