So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
