My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
