You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
