I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize