dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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