dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
