She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
