Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
