You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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