I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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