Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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