I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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