He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
