If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
