How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
