I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
