We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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