i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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