Only a mothe r could love this liver
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
