I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
