you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
