i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
