My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize