just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
