I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize