I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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