Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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