Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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