My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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