Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
