i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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