Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
