I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
