dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
