Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
