Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
