We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
