Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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