Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
