Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
