Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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