update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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