My first STD was from a foam party
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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