Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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