Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
