I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
