I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I still have a little drunk in my system
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
