Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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