How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
