Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize