I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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