she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I still have a little drunk in my system
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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