That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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