Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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