every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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