I will die if light touches me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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