I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
