great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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