I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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