Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
