You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
