friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
