So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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