I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
