So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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