Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
