We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
