so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
