Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
