Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
