Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My feet surprised me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
