i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize