The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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