Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
