i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
