everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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