Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
