he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
