She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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