I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
