The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
