Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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